Man, It's hot!
Here in Kansas that
means combines are busy cutting our amber waves of grain, and
clogging the highways and byways with grain trucks and custom cutting
crews. GottaLove It! If you're in the business of selling parts
for farm-related equipment--- Congratulations! Our phone has been
ringing off the hook and we don't have a baler to our name, so we know
your business must be great!
phones, we know it's hard to find the perfect message for your
machine/voice mail and we'd like to help. Here are some of our
They range from the really mean to the really silly. Feel free to use
them or let us know your own creative solutions...
LEAVE YOUR MESSAGE AFTER THE BEEP
Hello. I'm David's answering machine.
What are you?
John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please
speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding
someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back,
growing tired. Your eyelids are getting heavy. You feel very sleepy
now. You are gradually losing your will power and your ability to
suggestions. When you hear the tone you will feel helplessly compelled
to leave your name, number, and a message.
I don't exist at the moment, but if you leave
your name and number, I will get back to you when I am.
know we're hopelessly twisted, but that last one just cracks us up! If
you're about to crack up, try some of the following sure-fire ways to
annoy everyone during this long, hot summer.
Drum on every available surface.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can
make a "croaking" noise.
Wear your pants backwards. (Sounds like
Pay for everything with pennies.
your turn signal on for fifty miles. (We thought this was a law! Here
in Kansas, everyone drives with their turn signals on for miles and
miles and miles... It's kinda like having the radio on, nice beat, you
could dance to it)
Pretend your computer mouse is a CB radio,
and talk to it.
Reply to everything someone says with "That's
what YOU think."
Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until
September. (We are amazed anyone would consider this annoying)
Finish all your sentences with the words "in
accordance with prophecy"
your co-workers mysterious questions and scribble their answers in a
notebook. Mutter something about psychological profiles.
Signal that a conversation is over by
clamping your hands over your ears.
Construct your own tricorder, and scan people
with it, announcing the results.
- YOU CAN ANNOY SOME OF THE PEOPLE SOME OF
- AND SOME OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE TIME,
- CAN'T ANNOY ALL OF THE PEOPLE ALL OF THE
- OH YEAH? TRY THESE...
that's it for another Week of Wisdom, in accordance with prophecy. If
you'd like to be a Wisdom Seeker and receive our weekly
e-mail, click here. Give us your e-mail address and tell us you
need the Wisdom---we'll do the rest in accordance with prophecy.
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